116 - Jurgis Kasimirovich BALTRUCHAITIS (1873–1944)

Jurgis Kasimirovich BALTRUCHAITIS (1873–1944) A collection of about twenty handwritten letters, in Russian, addressed to his wife Maria Ivanovna BALTRUCHAITIS, née Olovyanichnikova (c.1879–1948), written almost every day, sometimes twice a day—three on the 17th.June 1–30, presumably 1917, in Moscow. 23 pages: -June 1 He is unable to catch a train to Yevpatoria in Ukraine and is considering taking the mail train. -June 2 "I think and think again, pray and pray again, my little darling… and pray especially to give thanks that you are a mother, having given birth to my soul." "A strange feeling—at a time when the world may be falling apart, I feel that there is no sorrow on earth. I think and think, pray and pray, my little girl… And I pray especially in gratitude that you are a mother who gave birth to my whole soul.” -3.VI. Finally on the train. There, he writes a poem in three tercets: "My path is cloaked in sorrow and dust, At the appointed hour, my living breast… Blind heart, have faith! A great call leads you To the sacred shores, There, where your hour will be new— *—like the splash of a single stream— All your hours will appear, A flower blooming in existence!” -6.VI. He arrived and panicked at seeing no trace of her, until he received a letter from her; he is happy to know she is alive. Yevpatoria is a superb place. Everything is very clean. The air there is excellent, and everything is magnificent. -8 VI 6 ½ a.m. "A man’s eyes grow blind. They see neither the flowers nor the stars (...) the concern for man’s harmony with the general movement of the world. Is this not why we love symmetry so much—that great and powerful harmony—because we see in it the image and the marks of our homeland? This homeland is not of this world, for it must grant us peace. (...)" "(...) a person’s eyes grow blind. Just as with flowers and stars. And they grow quieter, and somehow the deep-seated, primordial, and inescapable longing within us for the harmony of humanity within the universal order begins to be resolved. Is it not for this reason that we love symmetry and powerful harmony—because we find in them a sign and an image of our homeland? That homeland which is not of this world, for it must justify and grant us peace. A premonition and a certain difficult knowledge of this Fatherland (a word from the Gospel)—or rather, a vague image of it—constitutes the current substance and acute *focus of my inner life. (...) I think that humanity’s future is constantly present in our present, like that solitary thought, like that vague dream of the Fatherland…” -June 12 “You often reproach me for leaving you alone, for remaining silent too often (...)” "You have often reproached me for leaving you alone, for remaining silent too often (...) before, this might have been only partial and occasional; now it may be complete and constant. . And may the Lord help us, Mother! If there’s still no letter from you today, I’ll be completely overwhelmed and even plan to get angry. But I won’t get angry, my dearest soul, because I know how fully you’re absorbed (..) and I know that your soul, too, is absorbed in inner work and *, in care and construction, in thoughts that are becoming your new truth, and in feelings that are becoming your new beauty." -June 17 "Today the dispute with the landlady will be settled, and I’ll have to pay whatever she wants (...) Where on earth are those 400 rubles, without which I won’t be able to get by?" "Today the dispute with the landlady will be settled, and I’ll have to pay her whatever she asks (...) Where are those 400 rubles, without which it’s hard for me to get by?!" 3